Sirius Affiliate/ April 15, 2019/ Personal Development/ 0 comments

Hello Everyone, welcome back to Sirius Affiliate. Today’s post is going to be on a slightly different aspect of life. I’ve recently been doing a lot of contemplation lately and have come to a very introspective period of my life. One question I have found myself repeatedly pondering, is ‘Why Do I want What I want?‘. This question has caused me too re-evaluate a lot of the goals I thought I had for my life and for myself. And it has actually bought about a situation in my life whereby a lot of the things I previously thought I wanted.

This period of introspection was initially triggered by quite an emotionally traumatic series of events since the beginning of 2019. I’m not here to front and pretend like i’m some stone cold, emotionless being. If I feel something within myself, I acknowledge and question it, rather than repress or ignore it, because I have witnessed the results of my own repressed emotions, and It is much better both in the shot, and long term to find healthy ways to express your emotions and feelings.

Anyway, these events have bought me to a place where I am forced to honestly look at and assess my life, and the results I have produced so far. What I have noticed, is that a lot of “my goals” are not actually my goals and dreams, but rather they are things and images that other people, friends, family, and culture had put into my head. More like, I allowed them to infiltrate my head and take over my perspective. 

Who Gave You Your Desires?

I believe that there really is a simple way in most cases to find out what it is you truly want in your life. The first thing to do is question “Why”. Why do you want the things you want? Is it because someone told you that it is something you should have, so that you get some result (emotion /feeling/ social proof)? Do you want it as a way to prove people wrong? Is there a chance that what you want is actually because you are covering up some deep desire in yourself that culture/society has told you is unacceptable, and therefore you think that having that thing will make you, or that part of yourself feel acceptable? 

Don't run from your darkness. Shine the light of wisdom, and compassion on it. Your darkness, in the end is you. ~ Rich-allee John

A lot of these questions may trigger repressed feelings inside yourself that you never knew you had and in some cases you may just refuse to acknowledge the questions based on how uncomfortable the emotions that they bring up are.

If however, you are willing to confront these difficult emotions and work to express them in a positive way, you will find that the fact you no longer have these repressed emotions, means you are now able to see and experience life from a much clearer perspective. You may also find that a lot of the things you previously enjoyed doing, are no longer appealing to you.

This is a normal part of the process of healing yourself and finding out what YOU really want in life. You should also be aware that once you start down this path of introspection and self-analysis, it never stops. You will constantly be learning new things about yourself, even when you thought you had known everything there was to know about you. This is not a process for the faint of heart, as you might find after a while that your whole life has been built on the expectations of others, what society & culture has told you that you need to be accepted or maybe you do the things you do because of some need to get approval from others. You would be surprised, after some honest reflection about yourself how many of the desires you have are just so that you can get approval from others in some way shape or form (at least that is what I realized about myself).

This realization was a tough one for me to admit to myself, as I had always thought of myself as being very independent and self-directed, and I was… self-directed towards what others told me to do, be and think. 

Emerging from the river of "conformity"

Knowing What You Want In Life

I’m going to assume that if you’re still reading that you can relate in at least some way to what I am discussing here. So you may now be wondering… “How do I find out what I want in life?” There are some simple steps you can take to begin answering these questions. Ask yourself:

  1. What did you spend most of your time as a child daydreaming about?
  2. When you feel upset and frustrated with life, what is the fantasy image you go to in your mind for comfort? 
  3. If you were given 1,000,000 today. What would you do with it?
  4. If Money were no object, what would you spend your time doing?

These are some of the questions I have frequently asked myself over the course of the last 3 almost 4 years since leaving high school. I have realized that lot of my goals, and desires have radically changed from what I once thought I wanted (to put things in perspective i’m a 22 year old black male living in the UK).

As a young man in today’s in today’s insanely fast moving world, many expectations are forced onto us before we have even reached the age of 18.  Pressures such as financial success, material success, and having all cars, houses and the bad “big booty B!tch3s” one could imagine. Grippin’ sticks, and selling drugs etc (is what the majority of young men in the UK today are about), and why?

Well you could blame the music like the UK Gov and general uninformed middle-classes try to do, however I do not believe the issue is so simple. Whilst music IS A HUGE FACTOR in all of this, a larger factor, is the fact that In in school none of us are taught how to prepare for and deal with the harsh realities of life. Furthermore, school in today’s culture is a HIGHLY toxic place for teenage boys, with all the attacks on masculinity and manhood. A part of me does feels like the system is like this by design. However, I digress…

How Do I Manifest What I want In Life?

Well I guess that you’ve started pondering the 4 questions previously mentioned. Once you have answered the initial 4 questions, you need to begin writing down on paper what you truly desire. At this stage it is ESSENTIAL that you disregard “reality” for a while. Other people your whole life have told you that you need to be realistic, or set realistic goals. Look for example at the life story of 50 Cent, Conor McGregor, or Oprah Winfrey vs the story of your family members and the people you encounter daily that try to push their disillusionment onto you. Friends and colleagues who might mean well but are likely to give you a dose of THEIR reality, rather than understanding, and supporting the reality YOU are choosing for yourself. The realities that these two sets of people experience are completely different.

So you must choose for yourself what kind of reality you want to create and experience. To do this you must start writing your newly established goals on paper. You could also make a recording on your phone, or create a vision board depending on what feels right for you.

The next step is to begin memorizing, and visualizing the desires you have. Visualize them in as real a way as possible, until you can actually feel yourself already experiencing the fulfilled dream. Try to do this at least once a day, preferably just before/as you are going to sleep. This will train your brain and subconscious mind to begin looking for those things you desire, and you’ll be ridiculously surprised at how fast and unexpectedly things start to show up in your life to help you manifest what you want/where you want to be.

Take action: the most important step to take after you have decided what you want is to take action. Take action to begin creating the life you want with what you have at your disposal. You may feel that there is nothing at your disposal to help you begin creating your life, but know that a way can always eventually be found, as long as there is a will to find it.


In conclusion, to know what you want in life, you must first question why you want the things you currently want. Then once you’ve done the needed introspection and healing which cannot be rushed, you can then begin feeling for what it is YOU truly desire.

Once you know what you desire write it down, memorize it, visualize it, and take MASSIVE action to achieve it. Stay focused on the your end goal. You may be asking how do I keep focused/motivated when things get salty, or I have no motivation? Well this will be driven on by your why, the reason that you want what you want. If your reason is big enough, you will have the drive to take action, even when you feel you don’t feel inspired and motivated to do the work.

However, as I mentioned before, it is ESSENTIAL that you first spend the time finding out WHY you want what you want, because if your reason is not big enough or compelling enough, you simply won’t have the drive to do it during the times you feel down or when obstacles appear in your way. 

Thanks for reading.

If you have any experiences that are different or think i missed any points, feel free to comment below. You can also reach me on Instagram and Facebook @SiriusAffiliate.

Sirius Affiliate

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